My Near Death And His New Breath
by AndroidEvian
Summary: Sequel to "Trade Me Shoes?", planned to be the last story in my Death Note series, but I'm open to writing a few more. Lawliet and Yagami Light take time to review the cause of their disorders, and if the cripplingly emotional discussion wasn't enough, L's body has deteriorated too far, and a certain Shinigami is waiting for him... *dramatic character death, mental illness*


13 years ago…

" _Ryuzaki? Ryuzaki?" the head of the orphanage patted the boy's shoulder._

" _Hm? Oh, Father… what is it?" he said, his attention diverting from his fallen tower of macaroons to the man sitting across the table._

" _This letter; it's from Audrienne." the tone of his voice was grave and somber. "I think you need to read it."_

 _Shakily handing the messy haired orphan an envelope, he left the kitchen._

" _Looks like he read it before I did." Ryuzaki murmured to himself as he observed the loose flap of parchment and slid the letter out of it._

' _Dear Ryuzaki, from what we've observed, you've known Audrienne for a few years now. As you know, she_

 _recently became old enough to receive the first of her serious assignments._

 _However, we must regretfully inform you that she is no longer with us…' His heart stopped, and he had to recompose himself to continue._

' _She wanted to take a walk by herself, and being fifteen, we allowed this. This was done in poor judgement._

 _When she didn't return after an hour, we looked where she said she'd be._

 _The man who had ultimately caused her death was next to her, crying his eyes out. He was a jogger, and he ran into her rather forcefully._

 _He said he broke the clasp on her necklace, causing it to fly into fairly empty street. She fell a metre away._

 _Naturally, she ran over to pick up her necklace from where it'd landed._

 _A man in his car, who'd come out of nowhere in his car, kids being rowdy in the back… he hit her, full on with his bumper to her temple._

 _She died instantly. The wrinkle at the bottom of this envelope; we're sure you've noticed it by now, Ryuzaki._

 _Pull it out.' With quivering fingers, he obeyed the letter's instructions._

' _This necklace, with the cupcake charm on it… she wore it so often, as often as she was around you. We're very sorry to return this gift_

 _you gave to her. We sincerely wish we could've returned her, wearing this necklace, to you, like she'd wanted._

 _Please, try to smile, Ryuzaki. For her sake; have a happy birthday.'_

…Present Day

L's dream faded, slowly giving way to the feeling of liquid running from his eyes, down his cheeks, and a warm, familiar hand on his shoulder. It shook him gently, the voice of its owner becoming clearer with the seconds. His vision shifted, adjusting, in sync to his hearing.

"What's wrong? Lawliet? Lawliet, wake up." the speaker's form and voice were now comprehensible. L lifted his head from the table, pushing himself up from his terribly uncomfortable sleeping position. His neck and hips felt as if they'd been twisted to remain on the left.

"Oh, Light, sorry about this." he wiped his eyes, painfully craning his neck to face his friend, who was standing on his right side. "Could you um… help me with this?" He gestured to his grossly dislocated lower half and jutting spinal column. "My neck too, please?"

"Ah, of course…" Light replied with an awkward laugh, sliding behind his friend and putting his hands to work on the back of the strained neck muscles and slanting spine. "You fell asleep, or fainted, here in the library while we were studying for that test in sociology."

"Huh… I can't really tell which one is more plausible. I have the energy equivalence of a turtle with moderate depression, but I haven't had to throw up since Monday, when I told you about the whole thing. Today is Thursday… whichever helps you sleep tonight."

"The world may never know!" he joked with quiet enthusiasm, a small preparation for a more serious question. "So… what did you dream about that made you cry like that? I've never seen someone cry in their sleep." he cracked the upper third of L's spine back into place, earning a small grunt as the vertebrae adjusted back into their proper places. The answer didn't come as quickly as Light had hoped, but it was probably a very personal matter, considering he had just watched his friend have an unconscious mental breakdown.

"I dreamed about what caused me to do… what I do, with food." he admitted, voice quiet with emotion as he began elaborating. "I used to live in an orphanage, the one that raised me to be L, the detective. I was never treated well by most of the kids because of my shy nature. But I made one friend there, 'Audrienne.' She was the everything I could have asked for, even though she almost gave me a concussion, since the first time she ever talked to me was to confess that she had a crush on me." He made a half cough, half chortle as his amusement was countered by the discomfort of the rest of his spine being forced back into alignment. Light moved onto his hips, his fingers seeming more cautious in response to the story. "My dream was a reminder of her death… it was so stupid too." his voice grew husky as he fought back more tears, "It was such a reckless accident. Everyone at the orphanage thought she was an impulsive fool after word spread. She got knocked half into the street when a jogger ran into her too hard. The necklace I gave her for her eleventh birthday, when I was nine, flew off after its clasp had broken from the impact when she hit the street. It was just a few feet from her… there's no way she would have worried about a distracted dad losing control of his car and rupturing her temple with the bumper when she ran to grab it."

With the crack of his pelvic region returning to a healthy position, the ex detective muffled his last groan of discomfort, taking the place of a sob. Light sighed as he knelt, his cheek between L's shoulder blades, who sat in the backless chair, and his hands rested on hipbones.

"I'm sorry." he murmured, arms reaching up to the sternum to hold his best friend more comfortingly. "You said you've had this thing since you were thirteen… she was fifteen at the time? I guess all you have left of her is the necklace that's in your right pocket all the time."

"…I guess you took note of that while you were readjusting my hips." L said. "But I beg to differ." he began to laugh, or cry, in a disturbing manner like that of near total insanity. "I don't think I told you what day it was that she died…" he continued, a smile curling his lips.

"I received a letter saying she was dead…" his voice devolved into a sobbing whisper. "…the same day I was turning thirteen." Light dropped his arms from L, his blood chilling to ice in his veins. "Hehe… that's right. The only gift given to me that day was a mental illness. I had an entire birthday cake to myself… it was so sweet." tears were welling up in his eyes again as Light pulled the chair away from the table to sit in front of L, taking his face in both his hands to try and soothe him. "I was terrified when I'd realised what I'd done. Making myself vomit for the first time… it was agony, Light. I thought my organs just might come up with all the cake when it would hit the toilet. It was like forcing a load of tennis balls up my throat. But that's probably why I kept doing it… I wanted to feel death like she did."

"Lawliet, stop!" Light pleaded, tilting L's chin up so he could see the wild emotions in the dull black eyes of the man he couldn't lose. "Just stop, and listen to me. She loved you. She doesn't want to hear you say or think about facing death like she did… I feel that way also."

"Light… what are you trying to say?" L's vocals sounded like he'd stripped his throat raw with all the talking and crying he'd been doing over the last 30 minutes they'd been on this subject. Holding the broken ex detective in his hands, Light began speaking again.

"This might sound like insult to injury… but I think after living with you over the past year and a half, learning we've got the same problems, and being your friend all through our history in the detective agency. I think I might… might love you the way Audrienne did." he waited to be kicked, yelled at, or attacked in some other way for using this moment to tell L his true feelings. He couldn't suppress it anymore though… at least an angry L would have the fight back in him. "Just… just say something, Lawliet!" he whispered frantically.

"…I. I know I feel the same way about you as you do about me, if you're being serious. But the idea… of feeling that… is a little scary." with that said, L slipped from the chair, the deja vu washing over him as he smiled and the image of the distant past he'd erased, flashed before his eyes. He'd fallen, in death, and Light dove to the floor, holding him as his heartbeat raged out of control. The look in his eyes, shocked and devastated, was genuine. _Even as Kira, you couldn't kill me with your own hands… I'm so glad I traded my soul for you, Yagami Light._

…Light's POV

"Hey… Lawliet. Snap out of it. Lawliet!" Light put his ear up to his best friend's chest. A heartbeat was there, but barely. "Somebody!" he screamed, hot tears running from his eyes as he sat in the isolated corner of the library. "Somebody fucking help us!" a librarian entered the corner with a stern look on her face, ready to tell him to hush up before seeing his face and the body in his hands. She cupped her palms over her mouth in shock, rushing over quickly to check L's pulse in a similar manner as Light had, moments ago.

"Kami! What happened here? He's almost stone dead!" She was pulling out her cellphone, clicking the speed dial for an ambulance. As she talked and explained the situation, rather frantically, he realised he should be performing CPR.

"I don't know! He just fainted, and now he's barely alive." Light managed, laying his friend onto the floor and removing his uniform. "Please… tell me there's still hope." he said to L's body, beginning to pump his clasped hand over the chest of the corpse. "Just live." He continued, putting his lips to L's and breathing into his mouth. _Press his chest, breathe into him, press his chest, breathe into him, press his chest, breathe into him…_ Light reminded himself over and over again, eventually hearing sirens outside, after what had felt like ages, but didn't cease the process until the paramedics entered the building and had reached the library. They came in a hoard to the corner, swarming around the barely living body and his companion. Light rode with them all in the ambulance as L was hooked up to a number of machines, pumped with oxygen, saline, and adrenaline. He sat by in a terrible worry, even when they all reached the hospital and L was transferred to emergency care. He had to wait in the lobby for a full hour and a half before getting any news from a rather nervous looking doctor.

"We've managed to save your friend's life, as he was suffering from dehydration and malnourishment, both of which we can fix while he's here." the doctor explained, causing Light to get up from his seat to pay more attention.

"Arigato gosaimashite!" Light said, relief washing over him. "How long will it be until he recovers though?" he continued, trying to find some substantial information.

"About that… we don't know if he ever will." the doctor added, taking off his gloves and twisting them in his hands.

"What?" the relief slowly began turning to anxiety, making Light's heart clench tightly in his chest and leaving I'm to fall back into his seat with an agonised gasp.

"D-Daijobu ka?!" the nervous man bent down in concern beside Light as he struggled to maintain his composure.

"Hekki…" he managed, the vital organ slowly relaxing. "Honto." he reassured the doctor with a weak smile. "Just tell me the rest of my friend's condition, onegai."

"Right… your friend is severely underweight and, as I mentioned, had virtually no liquid in his body to balance and replenish his electrolytes. He ultimately could have died from this, as his immune system has been weakened considerably. He's in a coma, and while I'd say there's a good chance he could wake up, it's best not to be hopeful about it… hontoni gomenasai." the doctor bowed deeply with apology, his scrubs swishing as he left Light alone again in the waiting room. _L… please wake up soon._

…

Lawliet awoke to a grey sky, the land beneath him soft, eroded earth. Getting up and surveying his surroundings, there was nothing but desert and barrenness for miles. Bones stuck out everywhere from the lifeless sand. _This place… it looks so much like me._ He thought, laughing sarcastically to himself. His amusement was short lived as he heard the rustling of wings in the sky. Bones twisted and gnarled into a throne as a Shinigami descended to rest in it. It beckoned him forward with its hand, and he approached without fear.

"So it's you, the keeper of time, Kazieru." a laugh escaped the hideous humanoid giant, confirming the ex detective's suspicions. "I guess it's time for me to grovel at your feet and travel in and out of the human world whenever you crave apples?"

"As much as I'd appreciate that, not yet, L. Lawliet." the lanky beast bent down, lifting L by his chin in just his index and thumb, closing the thirty centimetre height gap between them. "You haven't reached the point of physical death, it's just your soul that's made it here."

"So my body, because I fainted, is now in a coma? Light must have rushed me to the hospital then, I was defibrillated and I'm surviving on the IV drip." L managed through the bony fingers as they dug into his jaw.

"So you are smart." he mused with a smirk. "Your physical self is but a comatose husk, the man you offered me your soul to change, grieving over it as we speak. You walked such a thin rope, selling your soul when your life was already at such a risk with your condition."

"I heard what I wanted to though." L replied, relaxing in the Shinigami's grip as he thought back on Light's words. "Even if I die, in spite of how young I am, and Light being the reason I died in this life and in the past you cut from the fabric of time… it's all worth it."

"You say that like a child thanking his parents for the toy he wanted and received on Christmas." Kazieru gave a laugh as before. "But while you're here, I'm going to make you wish you'd never made a deal with me, L. Lawliet." he dropped L onto his thigh, pulling back his hair with his left hand and biting his lips, as if he might scream in a moment. With a pained growl, and the scattering of blood, the face Lawliet had come to know was replaced with that of a beautiful human's, too beautiful to be real. L bent over the throne, dry heaving.

"Hehe… recognise anyone in this face?" Kazieru mocked, watching bile spew from L's lips and onto the sand. Turning back to the Shinigami, he observed the bleeding chest, where the stitches that once lay, much like Ryuk's, had been ripped away, based on the wounds. _A mask?!_ As his eyes met the face of time keeper, he realised why he'd vomited. The face, through the ashen skin and metallic charcoal irises, the red lips and wild, chocolate hair; outside colour, each of his features were identical to Light's. The perfect symmetry and curve of his lips, the graceful chisel of his jaw, the faint Korean influence mixing with the Japanese around his eyes… L swallowed hard as sweat beaded up on his skin, and he began to feel cold with fear. Kazieru licked his lips, looking as if he was hungry for L's submission.

"That expression suits you well." he purred, licking his lips. "Look at you… you're scared down to your thinning bones, but at the same time, you're looking all hot and bothered." he continued, his husky, velvet voice only causing L to tremble as he spoke.

"W-What are you talking about…?" He choked on his words as Kazieru pulled a full length mirror, from seemingly thin air, twisted silver and garnets adorning its harsh frame. L looked into it, hardly able to bear his reflection as it came into view. His cheeks were a light pink, his eyes showed of fear and intrigue melding together, his thighs had fallen against each other, his hand rested on the hem of his uniform pants, and his lips were bleeding from how hard he'd been biting them without even knowing. He reached out to the mirror in shock, unable to believe what he was seeing. _Why… why does he… why does this damn Shinigami look like Light?!_ He thought, terror causing his knees to weaken under him, and he was forced to kneel between the Shinigami's legs, where he held the mirror. _What the hell…?_

"Of course you wouldn't know this… but the Shinigami wear masks, a permanent and necessary part of our anatomy. However, if we make a deal of any sort, regarding you or someone you knew with a Death Note, in one reality or another, we take on their face."

Kazieru explained, taking L's head and shoving it just inches from the mirror as he knelt. "We take on their face as they take on our power to kill. Your friend made no deals with Ryuk. So I'm free to take his face and write his name in my Death Note when his time comes."

He put down the mirror, drawing L close and trailing his tongue up the human's neck. "I really must admit…" he continued, tearing L's uniform open with his fingernails. "Yagami Light made an excellent choice when he fell in love with you, sickling or not, L. Lawliet."

"Kazieru…" he murmured, unable to think as his nerves registered shivers against his will. "Uhn… stop." the Shinigami ignored him, kissing into L's neck and removing the torn jacket and shirt, feeling the young human's soft skin in his long hands, letting his palms tingle.

"I won't hurt you, L. Lawliet. It's just going to seem like that for a moment." his tongue trailed L's collarbones, the icy saliva left on them making his body lose strength. Collapsing onto the Shinigami, he felt their positions switch, his body resting in the throne while Kazieru knelt in front of him. The arousal L had felt just watching Kazieru lick his lips was reaching a fever pitch. The cold tongue moved to his ribcage, causing him to inhale sharply, and he was turned over so his cheek pressed against the back cushion of the throne. Fingers trailed the scant wings of shoulder blades on L's back, making it hard to contain his excitement. He was licked, slowly, from tailbone to the top of his spine, and he could contain himself no longer. Pleasure surged through him as his arousal was released, and he went slack.

"Well… that was… something." He breathed, confused, satisfied, and sleepy all at once. The Shinigami turned the throne onto its back, letting L rest on the velvet lined backing. He was offered something that looked like an opium pipe, and he accepted without argument.

"Sorry if I was a little forceful. I wanted to see what it was like to please a human, since Shinigami can't experience the same sorts of sensations that humans can. All we can do is sit here, rotting in this pointless world. No… in this purgatory, but worse than Hell, maybe."

"I heard from Ryuk, in the past, that Shinigami don't know why they exist, or what will happen to them when they die, so they only take life because they're too afraid of what's on the other side, if even that. Is it true?" L asked, starting to feel existential with the drugs affecting his soul body. "Don't you want to know what's on the other side? You serve a purpose. You serve the purpose of extinguishing enough life to make room for more, and if there is a Heaven and Hell, you're in God's favour, sending his children to him and dragging the criminals down into the depths of Hell. You serve the purpose of balancing population, so a new human can come to growth when an old one's time is up, and by that, you are the creation that ensures that humans won't overcrowd and die out before Earth does."

"Aren't you just clever?" Kazieru murmured, his sarcasm sounding almost sad. L smiled sincerely at the Shinigami, but it was a temporary expression. He seemed to grow weak, losing his ability to stand and falling onto L with a bittersweet smile on his lips. The form of Kazieru begin to sparkle as his body slowly deteriorated. "I never planned… to take your life. When you told me what you were willing to give up your soul for…" his eyes held real, human tears in them. "I couldn't remain unfazed. I hated humans so much because of how Jealous died for your friend Misa… just like you hate the humans who convinced her to suicide. It was so kind of you to offer your soul for your friend, Light, even after what he'd done to you…"Kazieru's form was half gone, his deterioration giving way to a translucent outline of what had been whole. His tears rained from his eyes down his cheeks, solidifying in L's hands while he held the dying Shinigami's back to his lap and his jaw lay in L's palms. "Take my tears… and live a long life with your friend, who you love so much, L. Lawliet."

"Kazieru!" L cried, reaching out to the sky, vainly, as the last of his body eroded away. His ashes now lay at L's knees, and the sparkling of his soul exploded like a star. As this happened, L was blinded by the flash, and felt his consciousness slip from the Shinigami realm.

…

The world slowly became clear, as L opened his eyes. There was beeping to his left, a stinging in his wrist, and murmured prayers in Japanese, to his right. Looking in the direction of the soft prayers, he was surprised as the eyes of the whisperer next to him met with his.

"Law…li… et." the voice came in a staccato of shock. "Lawliet… Lawliet!" the chestnut haired living mate he knew so well threw himself onto L, weeping with gratitude as his embrace was returned.

"Light…" L murmured contentedly, letting his best friend soak the shoulder of his hospital gown in tears while he stroked down the nape of his partner's neck.

"I didn't think I'd ever hear you speak again!" Light exclaimed, his smile more sincere than ever, holding all the relief and joy and love in the world.

"I couldn't have been gone for that long…" _I was only in the Shinigami realm for a few hours…_ He thought to himself, careful not to mention anything crazy like that to Light.

"Are you kidding me?" He said, wiping the tears from his eyes and recomposing himself. "You were in a coma for five months, Lawliet." _Five months?!_ L repeated silently.

"You held on that long for me?" he murmured, unable to fathom the patience and unwavering faith in him that would require.

"Wouldn't you do the same for me?" Light asked, his voice warm with affection for his best friend.

"You're right, I guess I would." L agreed, scratching at his hair with a blush in his cheeks and looking down at his hands. "Wait… how much weight did I put on in this place?" he said, examining the strangely human tone to his hands and fingers.

"Just enough to be healthy as a horse." Light joked, pulling a mirror from his pocket and showing L his reflection. For a second he nearly jumped out of his skin, thinking an entirely different person was staring at him through the mirror. Slowly though, he was able to connect his features to the new complexion. His black eyes no longer had their dark circles. His once Shinigami like skin was now the same fair tone as Light's. His lips held the gentle pink of a normal person's. His hair didn't look as dry as it used to. "You're like a whole new man, huh?" Light teased, watching his face redden at the comment. "I actually toned down the obsessiveness of my own eating habits while you were in that coma…"

"Yet you still look amazing." L blurted out, covering his mouth the second the phrase escaped him and brought flattery to his partner's features.

"And so do you." Light stroked his finger over the visible, but no longer gaunt, outline of L's clavicles, pulling him from the bed into his arms, and touching their lips together, tongues meeting and their shirts being half way unbuttoned. Drawing back after some time of their deep kissing, followed by hair tugging, back massaging and neck rubbing, L relaxed in his hospital bed. In the quiet that settled in, he remembered what the Shinigami had left behind. Reaching into the pocket of his hospital gown, he felt the crystal tears Kazieru had cried.

"Hey, Light…?"

"Yes, Lawliet?"

"Let's love one another,"

"What are you trying to ask of me?"

"Let's tell your father we're majoring in sociology."

"Yes? Get to the point of the request string, the suspense'll kill me!"

"And let's help the police in our spare time, while we go find our new lives together."

"Lawliet, I'll do all of that with you, I'll do anything with you and follow you anywhere, you know that."

"Don't make that face… you're crying while smiling and it's confusing me. Are you light because you're so light hearted?"

"No. I'm Light because I hope I'll always shine and help you see when it's too dark for your eyes alone."

"Yagami Light; the idea of loving you doesn't scare me anymore. Let's go feel alive."


End file.
